All about the week!

You’ve had a funny week I noticed. One minute you’re showing kids how to take photos in the store Cupboard, the closest you can get to a dark room and the next you’re dodging low flying chairs and tables as they demonstrate kick boxing techniques in the Canteen. Lunch was still served and peace restored.

Think you were a bit mean asking to have you magazines back that you’d taken in to hospital for Doug to read, did you really buy them for him or you? Anyway at least you got to produce some psychedelic snowmen images with your new lens. Who’d have thought Christmas Lights and black paper could produce such effects with or without a glass of wine.

I saw you trying on Erin’s head torch in preference to your own Big Lamp, whilst wearing Lynne’s galoshes. I know you were only trying to get Chickens and Ducks in for the night. You met your match with that Duck though, she wasn’t going to be hurried. ‘Don’t go down before it gets dark’, you were told. So she sat half way up and half way down the ladder like a school teacher counting in the kids. Good job she knew how many to expect as Doug had told you about 24,but as they all looked the same he couldn’t be sure..

I felt sorry for that policeman though as your idea of giving a statement involved physically re-enacting the event. He didn’t know whether to write or watch. Hope you stay seated in court if it comes to that. At least you gave him the correct details. Hot tea and cream cakes were meant for the injured party not you.

I saw you stuffing your face on Saturday morning with smoked salmon and scrambled eggs just to give you stamina apparently for your workout on the beach…..sorry workshop. I felt sorry for those guys who had to put up with you shrieking with delight every time you managed to get it right. The wind blew a gale, the sand blasted you all, bloody tourists kept walking in front of the lens and the temperature was freezing but well done you for persevering. Great shots, frozen knees and extremities and a hot toddy afterwards. What are you going to get up to next week?

 

Ps. Big thanks to Big Nige for coming to the rescue when your carbon monoxide alarm went off when you’d already gone to bed and your attempts at turning it off failed.

P.ps pulling it off the wall only means Heather will have to give you a pot of paint for touching up.

‘Fuck off Miss’, you hear him say first thing in the morning.

The usual start to everyday another day is dawning.

‘It’s long’, he say’s as he waits for tea and toast already burning.

‘That’s shit’, he says and means it too but is it about the learning?

 

With banter used to spread the news about the local gossip

As Snapchat chose to share the pose of you know whose hotlips.

In places we can only hope will not be used for flirting

As friendships form and friendships fail as they keep the big spoon stirring

 

 

Let’s take the phones and confiscate the cigs and flimsy lighters

We need a chance to stem the flow of the disappearing blighters

Behind the bike sheds, across the wall and underneath the bushes

He really has no sense at all as he whispers  loudly hushes.

 

He runs around a merry dance and can’t wait to meet the others

The only threat that seems to work is if we call his mother.

So hard he is, so big and tough, so in your face and challenging

‘But please don’t send me home yet Miss’ they’re waiting to give me a thrashing.

 

What shall we do to keep him safe he’s brought it on himself,

We’ll take him home, or make him tea and look out for his health.

We know tomorrow he’ll be back as big an arse as ever

But we don’t mind it’s not his fault we’re here to make him clever.

 

It’s long ,it’s shit but maybe not, he just enjoyed the science

And what did he just learn in Maths how to organise his finance

With sex and drugs and rock and role in PSHE or art

and ICT  and Functional skills and English to make him smart

 

Enrichment means some more PE or Kite Flying or Golfing

And cooking might just mean the chance to go and do so some shopping

The lunch was good, the pizza piff, the chocolate muffins Moorish

They even beat the best to eat at his favourite Chicken Cottage

 

‘I’m off now Miss’, we hear him say don’t forget Class Dojo

Mum needs to know how good I’ve been if she’s going to let me go go

To get the trainers in JD the one’s I’ve always wanted

I’ll be good another day he says ‘ Fuck off Miss’ as he bolted.