It was a great Funeral

It was a great funeral and if I’d have been alive I’d have thoroughly enjoyed it. The guard of honour did me proud and despite the difference in height no one dropped me. The Eulogy went very well and how Sally hasn’t got a queue of men knocking her door to find out what specials were available, after the graphic description of how I was seduced all those years ago I’m really surprised. However nowadays I know her idea of personal services would involve a paintbrush, lawnmower, plumbers mate or anything handy to finish off the bungalow.

 

Norman took the dress code of wear what you’re comfortable in to mean his Christmas Jumper which we were all able to admire as he stood at the front and delivered Ecclesiastes word perfect for which I’m eternally grateful. Colin, John, Big Nige and Dez did me proud eulogising about my life of Wine, women and song and superlative driving, although I don’t think that’s quite what they said. They did manage to mention some of the work I fitted in around my Socialising and Dal will be capturing my drawing skills forever bricked up in the foyer of a new building.

 

The Masonic version of the Male Voice choir sang the Closing Ode with passion and sincerity and brought tears to the eyes of some. I always was Photogenic and at least Sally had the sense not to display the one of me in a Thong in the Chapel of Rest, although I understand it was made available for private viewing later.

 

The Wake at the very place I bunked off school to swim and collect Shell fish for tea was inspired. I’d have started with a Pint of Guinness, moved onto a G&T ice no lemon and feasted on meze, humus, taramasalata, olives and bread. Smooth Operator played in the background, very apt I thought and a film show of my life made the Big Screen. All my friends and family chatted and enjoyed my day and even the little children had a great time eating Pizza and getting high on bubble gum ice cream.

 

As the Family continued reminiscing into the night dressed in their PJ’s, drinking my Metaxa and looking at my photos I was able to drift away for a bit of a sleep. Next morning sporting hangovers they were able to reflect on a great Send off, but when I turned up in the wrong Box that very afternoon I was sent swiftly away to get re-packaged in my Sprinkler and Shaker ready for Kos with my new Passport. Ever mindful of the luggage allowance Sally was asked If she wanted me divided up into several containers as always larger than life I still weighed in at quite a few kilos .