Men on allotments. Beware

I know there’s been a bit of a theme lately with you doing it all yourself ,but I think we might have reached a turning point. All dressed up on the allotment yesterday like someone from the Good life with your gardening gloves and sun hat looking pale and wan as Doug dug the potato patch and you sifted the weeds. Liked his idea of hiring a rotavator didn’t you after the strimmer died a death, all that hard physical work might take a long time but at least you’d get plenty of fresh air and an aerobic workout if not cardiovascular. Did you take you oxygen pack?

 

I noticed you checking out the other residents , flashing them a smile here and there. Little do they know you're only after their bodies.......(muscles). Did I hear you suggest Doug give you the key to come down on your own next time? I know you're planning to look like a helpless woman in need of a man if only to dig the patch for you if you promise to share your asparagus and onions. They don't stand a chance.


Gardening tip 1
You don't need salt or pellets to get rid of unwanted snails and slugs just say "Chicken Dinner" loudly a few times and the mass migration will start. Never seen such rapid abandonment of green space.I feel a bit sorry for the man on the next plot